After Ruby was delivered we decided that we would have her cremated. I have chosen cremation for myself when I die and it just seemed like the best thing. We had a small memorial I put her ashes in the flower garden. I love flowers and I can see the flower garden from my kitchen window. Alot of people brought flowers and we just had a very nice family gathering. I love my family and we are just so lucky to have them.
On to the positive side. Brian and I were sitting in the hospital and just got all situated. They were getting the orders for the cytotec and Brian said he kept trying to think of a positive side to this situation , but there just wasn't one. Neither of us could think of any positive things about our situation.
Within 30 minutes of saying that Keith called. He is just one of our dearest friends. He came to Hannah's birth and he has really gone through everything with us since we were married. He showed up at the hospital like 30 minutes later and that was our first positive thing that happened. He came in and told stories about old times and times to come and then we all walked the halls. The three of us were reunited just like old times. We walked the halls and we laughed. I do not know any other two people that could have made me laugh at that time, but somehow they did and I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for my husband and for Keith.
There were so many positive things that have occurred since then that it is overwhelming (in a good way). All of the doctors we have seen have been extraordinary. Our coop has sent flowers, thoughts & prayers, and dinners for a week, not to mention subs for me for coop. Friends have sent cards. Relatives sent flowers. My sister and her boyfriend babysat all of our children and the neighbors child. My best friend came and spent the afternoon with me and brought dinner & dessert. He has called very regularly just to check on me. A dear friend from Texas called right when everything happened and told me what would happen by sharing her experience with a still birth. Our dear,dear friend (a doctor) came to exam Ruby Claire and collect information for testing. She is wonderful and always goes above and beyond for us.
Then there is Brian's mom who was sick but she still got us a beautiful card with money for whatever we might need. Her work sent us a card and money. My sister had a beautiful book filled with beautiful quotes from family and friends. My parents paid for the cremation. My mom bought me black shirts to wear until my stomach went down so I did not have to answer questions like, are you pregnant? When are you due? I am so grateful. People generosity has just absolutely overwhelmed me. The things they have done are just so, so, nice.
My Dad wrote the wonderful poem about Ruby Claire which was on my first blog. And as if that was not enough he wrote a poem to his daughter:
If I knew some magic words that would heal your broken heart, surely I would say them.
If I a balm to soothe your life at this moment, I would gladly spread it over you.
If I was all powerful, I would hold you in the hollow of my hands.
Alas, I am only a father, with no magic to heal the ache in your soul.
I can offer you only a father's tears and a father's love.
May they bring you some small comfort in your time of need.
I love you my precious, precious daughter.
I can only offer you a father's love.
That has been so soothing to me during this time, just knowing how loved I am.
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