My DearRuby Claire,
You must think that I have forgotten you. I have not written on your blog for some time. But, really I had to give up the sadness for awhile. I felt like if I focused on it too much it would swallow me whole. You leaving this world left a hole in my heart. It made me feel such a deep profound sadness. I did not know where to go with that sadness because I have never felt that deep of sadness before.
So, I decided instead of being swallowed up by sadness that i had to move forward and focus on the positive. Your brothers and sister are just beautiful little people and they need me here and they need me to not be sad. Instead of reading loss boards I read the hopeful boards of people ttc and just getting the joyful news of pregnancy. I read about hopeful statistics of getting pregnant again. I just try to be hopeful. and when I am alone I look through your memory box because I will never forget you.
I'm so lucky to have my parents who have made a beautiful sign for your garden, Ruby's garden. Instead of looking out and feeling sad I can look out the kitchen window and see the beautiful sign and flowers from family and friends. To us you were just a beautiful little soul that brought us nothing but joy and looking at your garden brings me nothing but joy.
This month has been hard because you should be here in my arms. You should be meeting your brothers and sister, Daddy, and grani,grandparents, aunts,uncles... We should be enjoying all of your firsts. it makes me very sad, but I know you are in a good place and although it does not take all the pain away it does give me peace. One day I will be rejoined with you my precious baby girl.
You are gone from this worl but you will never be forgotten. I love you Ruby Claire.
Love always,
Mommy
Once you choose hope, anything's possible." -Christopher Reeves
